That’s it.

So, I quietly began deleting people months ago. It started with people I didn’t know (a pretty obvious decision) and then moved on to people I kind of knew. After removing them as a friend, I felt as if I made a bad decision. “How would these people feel?” I would think aloud. That’s when I realized my ego was bigger than it ought to be. “Did it really matter?” was the conclusion I came to. Digital friends are hard to hang out with and kind of a bore.

Pretty soon, the deleting of people became an obsession. I started in on the people I went to church with growing up, my former classmates and even people I still see on a regular basis. Before I knew it, over 300 “friends” were gone. Kaput. Deleted. It felt good to cut this out of my life.

My list of friends is now mainly family, close friends and, well that’s about it. And that’s how it should be and hopefully will remain that way. I’m still debating whether to deactivate the account, but I’ll revisit that another day. For now, a news feed of information from people I am interested in will suffice. At the very least, it won’t keep me occupied when I log on.

As she plays with her hair

I know that she’s thinking of me

Way out, under the stars in the dark of my mind

Find me and I will be here waiting for you

I’m alone, checking my shoes, in the winter cold

And when you think the day is fine

Remember girl you’re mine

We’ll be together, it’s a strange situation

I’ve been lost in your eyes, never getting out

Found a map in the depths of your mind

Help me when I’m down

Drive away the clowns

I’ll be your hero, if you’re my heroine

She’s a princess to all and to me

She lets me go to be free

I’m the jester in her hallstripping up and down, left and right

In spite of all the danger

Hold me, thrill me, won’t you hold my hand

Walk to me, I’ll show you what it’s like to dance

And if I ever see you afraid

Remember that our God has made

A beautiful girl, who can’t hide from the filthy world

You’ve got a sweater from him which makes you smile

He’s got sad eyes that can see for miles

Show him all that you can

He’ll take you down the trail of love

Tossing and turning all the way there

Drifting, floating along this river of love

I find that I can never say enough about you

When you look at me, I know that someone cares

A person to put away my fears

Please don’t leave, I can’t bear to see you go

My heart breaks every night that you are gone

Never have enough time with the girl, she’s never known

And she makes him sad inside

To grin and bear the lies

To live and to have never loved

To be or not to be was never a question asked of me.

Shot with a Canon 5D Mark ii

Photo shoot with Halifax singer-songwriter Jon Bryant in his downtown apartment.

The above quote is taken from a line in song by the English folk-bluegrass-rock band Mumford & Sons. And it really has taken a stronghold in my heart. It bothers me because it points out the truth about my actions and behavior. I spend my time on the Internet, sports, music and the least amount of time with Jesus, my wife and baby daughter. It hurts to publicly admit this, but without pain, can come no regeneration or redemption.

And that’s what I am in need of. I need to regenerate, refocus and refuel. Many times have I attempted this, always reminding myself of exactly what steps needed to be taken and what path to embark upon. Every time has been a complete failure because I haven’t given careful consideration and wisely chosen the way I should go.

I have learned over the last four years that life is indeed beautiful and if you don’t see it that way, well it’s probably because life has been a bitch to you. Life is not fair and learning that early in your life will prepare you for the journey you’re on right now.

Going back to where I was, yes, spending your time on insignificant things will one day define how you spent your life. Those minuscule chores, tasks and errands will go in your record book. Do you love what you do? Because that is your life. Right now. Dreaming of what your life could be is admirable, but ultimately distracting, unless you have a concrete plan to reach your goal.

So I say, spend your time with loved ones. Ring up your friends, family and lovers. Make your life count for something. Lay down and look at the stars. Feel the cold November air sting your skin. Let life wrap you up in it’s cloak of wonder. Spend your love on the things that truly matter and that  is where your life will be spent.

If you have read this, know you are loved. If not by me, then by someone else.

Past Sean, you look dumb.