We bought a house.
I didn’t forget about this blog. I just seriously neglected it. Even now, I don’t really want to update this.
That’s it.
My Back Pages
Discussion, conversation, ideas, action
Delete
I’ll cut right to the chase. I’ve been getting fed up with Facebook and my addiction (so sad to say) to it. Now, I don’t spend hours a day on it, but the time I do spend on it makes me feel like I’ve accomplished absolutely nothing. I mean, it’s brilliant on Facebook’s part, fooling people into believing they are actually bettering their lives. But it’s no way to spend your time and now, the blue and white veil has been lifted from my eyes.
So, I quietly began deleting people months ago. It started with people I didn’t know (a pretty obvious decision) and then moved on to people I kind of knew. After removing them as a friend, I felt as if I made a bad decision. “How would these people feel?” I would think aloud. That’s when I realized my ego was bigger than it ought to be. “Did it really matter?” was the conclusion I came to. Digital friends are hard to hang out with and kind of a bore.
Pretty soon, the deleting of people became an obsession. I started in on the people I went to church with growing up, my former classmates and even people I still see on a regular basis. Before I knew it, over 300 “friends” were gone. Kaput. Deleted. It felt good to cut this out of my life.
My list of friends is now mainly family, close friends and, well that’s about it. And that’s how it should be and hopefully will remain that way. I’m still debating whether to deactivate the account, but I’ll revisit that another day. For now, a news feed of information from people I am interested in will suffice. At the very least, it won’t keep me occupied when I log on.
unknown for now…
I’ve been struggling today with a burden. I have this strange need for people to like me and it clouds my mind, rendering me unable to think. I don’t like the idea that someone doesn’t like me, which I realize is a fruitless thought that will do nothing to better my soul. So I just need to move on and deal with it. Problem is, I want resolve and peace. Does that make me a wimp, or a mediator? Writing these thoughts down helps me articulate my feelings, even if it does nothing to soothe them. My heart feels heavy, and the joy I usually carry with me seems non-existent. It’s tough not knowing the big picture. Character building, some would call it. A test of my endurance. If so, then I am failing in the patience category. I honestly hope things will work out and the given situation will improve.
As She Plays With Her Hair
[I came across this old poem or whatever you want to call it tonight while cleaning out the den in our house. Sound like Bob Dylan's 115 dream or a lovesick teenager]
As she plays with her hair
I know that she’s thinking of me
Way out, under the stars in the dark of my mind
Find me and I will be here waiting for you
I’m alone, checking my shoes, in the winter cold
And when you think the day is fine
Remember girl you’re mine
We’ll be together, it’s a strange situation
I’ve been lost in your eyes, never getting out
Found a map in the depths of your mind
Help me when I’m down
Drive away the clowns
I’ll be your hero, if you’re my heroine
She’s a princess to all and to me
She lets me go to be free
I’m the jester in her hallstripping up and down, left and right
In spite of all the danger
Hold me, thrill me, won’t you hold my hand
Walk to me, I’ll show you what it’s like to dance
And if I ever see you afraid
Remember that our God has made
A beautiful girl, who can’t hide from the filthy world
You’ve got a sweater from him which makes you smile
He’s got sad eyes that can see for miles
Show him all that you can
He’ll take you down the trail of love
Tossing and turning all the way there
Drifting, floating along this river of love
I find that I can never say enough about you
When you look at me, I know that someone cares
A person to put away my fears
Please don’t leave, I can’t bear to see you go
My heart breaks every night that you are gone
Never have enough time with the girl, she’s never known
And she makes him sad inside
To grin and bear the lies
To live and to have never loved
To be or not to be was never a question asked of me.
Photograph(s) of the Week
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Photo shoot with Halifax singer-songwriter Jon Bryant in his downtown apartment.
A Fickle Heart is no Cure
“Where you spend your love, you will spend your life.” - Marcus Mumford
The above quote is taken from a line in song by the English folk-bluegrass-rock band Mumford & Sons. And it really has taken a stronghold in my heart. It bothers me because it points out the truth about my actions and behavior. I spend my time on the Internet, sports, music and the least amount of time with Jesus, my wife and baby daughter. It hurts to publicly admit this, but without pain, can come no regeneration or redemption.
And that’s what I am in need of. I need to regenerate, refocus and refuel. Many times have I attempted this, always reminding myself of exactly what steps needed to be taken and what path to embark upon. Every time has been a complete failure because I haven’t given careful consideration and wisely chosen the way I should go.
I have learned over the last four years that life is indeed beautiful and if you don’t see it that way, well it’s probably because life has been a bitch to you. Life is not fair and learning that early in your life will prepare you for the journey you’re on right now.
Going back to where I was, yes, spending your time on insignificant things will one day define how you spent your life. Those minuscule chores, tasks and errands will go in your record book. Do you love what you do? Because that is your life. Right now. Dreaming of what your life could be is admirable, but ultimately distracting, unless you have a concrete plan to reach your goal.
So I say, spend your time with loved ones. Ring up your friends, family and lovers. Make your life count for something. Lay down and look at the stars. Feel the cold November air sting your skin. Let life wrap you up in it’s cloak of wonder. Spend your love on the things that truly matter and that is where your life will be spent.
If you have read this, know you are loved. If not by me, then by someone else.
Me Right Now
Future Sean, look back in wonder at me, Past Sean.
The Journey into Flash Pt. 1
I made this today.
